As the stigma surrounding discussing mental health begins to improve, join me in this article to learn about how I’ve used photography for years to help me combat PTSD and depression. have a cold. Trigger warning: this article contains references to suicide, which some people may find offensive.
The beginning
When I was 14 years old, I went through a traumatic experience that would change my life forever. While walking through a local forest on my way home from school, I discovered the body of a man who had taken his own life. This experience has left me with severe flashbacks, nightmares, and panic attacks. When I found the body, I remember running to the house but my parents weren’t there. My parents are both still at work, and my heart is pounding. I called the police and anxiously waited for help and my parents called me. I have never felt so alone.
As I grew up through my teens and into adulthood, I continued to have a number of experiences that would challenge my mental health, and this led to severe depression and now multi-traumatic PTSD. My life experiences range from having my home broken into to being in my home and being attacked by a group of baseball bats to the loss of family and close friends.
Over the years, I have always been fortunate to have a good group of friends and family around me. They will understand the challenges I am going through and always do their best to revive me. However, I will never fully explain my feelings and keep many things in my heart. I like to try to fight things my own way, but deep down, I struggled a lot. I would laugh when I was with them, but when I got home, I was easily broken. My life has become a facade, and I have repeatedly considered taking my own life.
My first camera
Around 2014, on my birthday, I asked my mom for a camera because I wanted to photograph local wildlife and from there my passion for photography grew. I started with a simple, affordable bridge camera, but quickly evolved into my first DSLR, a Nikon D3300. A few years later, the NikonD500 was announced, and it’s time for me to take things to the next level. My main focus is wildlife photography, but I also enjoy capturing other moments, such as landscapes and astrophotography.
I went to different parts of the UK, Iceland, USA and Australia, shooting as much as I could. I remember the first time I photographed the Milky Way in Australia. I have never seen so many stars and will stare at the picture forever with disbelief that I took that picture! However, the image has not stood the test of time, for now, I know about the 500 rule and other technical details that can make for an even better image.
Back then, I also only shot JPEGs and never backed up my files. I still kick myself to this day because of it! It was all a learning curve and will be for the rest of my life.
evolution
As the years went by, I continued to push myself. I started a YouTube channel and also became interested in portrait photography. As an introvert due to my depression, challenges like portrait photography become welcome pastimes. I would reach out to friends or random people on Instagram and ask if they would like a free photo shoot. They are always delighted with the results and this leads to people contacting me on Instagram to take pictures and offer to pay me.
Fast-forward to 2023. Now I shoot with sony a7 IV. I learned from some mistakes I made in my early years and now make sure everything is backed up (well, almost, since I recently deleted some raw files). important in Iceland, but that’s another story!).
I have worked for several large local companies and have also been honored to be hired as a wedding photographer on many occasions.
Pushing myself out of my comfort zone in those middle years has helped me progress with photography and make money, which often goes back into development, gear, and travel to new places mine.
One commonality that has existed since the early days and now, is that when I take my camera out to take pictures, all of a sudden all my problems seem to disappear. I feel one with my camera and where I am, and at the same time I have a sense of focus and perspective, almost a state of mindfulness.
I challenge myself with goals and set goals to improve my photography, and every day, I learn something new and develop new skills.
Photography definitely helped me out of my depression. These special moments made me realize that I can forget some bad memories in my head and focus on creating that perfect image.
It’s not all pink
It’s not all pink, though. Since I returned from Iceland in October, I feel like I’ve lost my ability to be creative. I hit a big roadblock and my spirit went downhill. I was off work for a month and couldn’t face anyone or do anything. I realized I needed expert help, so I contacted my local doctor, who referred me to a wonderful therapist.
I had my first appointment with a therapist in April, and I remember completely breaking down in front of her. I’ve been open about all the problems I’ve been through in the past and how it all came to be. Now or never is try to fight this once and for all.
The therapist asked me about my passion, and when I discussed photography and mentioned that I felt I had lost interest in it, she challenged me. She said, “Greg, let’s start small. Grab your camera bag and start cleaning up your gear and getting ready to shoot. Plan where you want to shoot and what you want to capture. From there, go out and try again.”
I feel revived, not only from opening up and seeking help, but I also feel energized to pick up the camera again. I followed her advice and cleaned the sensor and lens, charged the battery, picked a location I wanted to shoot, and then went and shot.
Sure, it wasn’t a perfect shot. I feel numb, making a few simple mistakes, but it’s great to have the camera in hand again. My problems disappeared in those moments, my mind refocused on what was important to me.
Challenges
Whether I’m in Iceland photographing the aurora, on a beach on the Isle of Mull photographing Otters, or simply in the studio shooting a bottle of whiskey for a client, photography has saved my life. I am indebted to the people who helped me, my family and friends, my wife and my therapist for bringing me back to that life.
For anyone reading this who is also experiencing mental health issues or knows someone who is going through a tough time, having any hobbies such as photography can be beneficial. Give your mind a little break and help you focus. I challenge you to go out into the world and set your mind on something positive, no matter how small. It could save your life!
