Yes, that’s a shotgun list. No, we will not make ice or paper next. You can put that line back in your little jokes. If I see any of you endorsing my well-researched and strongly typed article with such a lowly joke, I’ll use one of the following death-transmission devices , be it Doom 2’s double-barreled murder or FEAR’s rumbling body-vapor, and I’ll prove their crimson purpose.
Sit down. Here are the best pistols in video games.
Super shotgun – Doom 2
All shotguns in video games will certainly follow the meat standard. Doom’s first pump action pistol is a shotgun, satisfying to eliminate bad critters, a great bloodsucker in itself. But the sequel established the twin-barreled Super Shotgun as the real king. It’s a trusty old weapon, one you keep using throughout the game, even as others accumulate in your infinite pocket. Its reloading clip should be included in the Voyager spacecraft’s gold disc, both as a testament to the good sound effects and as a warning. This is the respected elder of the digital merchants and you should treat it with respect.
12 Gauge Shotgun – Half-Life 2
Imagine being attacked by a flock of birds. But not a sparrow, not a little bird. Or maybe, yes, lots of little birds, you know, about the size of sparrows, except they all weigh as much as a seagull. Or like, a baby albatross. Look, the problem is that you’re getting frantic with dozens of physical pips and falling to the floor dead. That’s what happens to Half-Life 2’s Mix of Soldiers and Zombie Scramblers when you blow them up with this birdman boy, uh, I mean bad boy. What is wrong with me today?
12 Gauge Pistol – FEAR
Oh wait, this is obviously the 12 Gauge you want. My bad.
Shotgun – Spelunky 2
The game Spelunky’s shovel pelletizer is a tool of chaos. Strikes will go wide and hit allies, or accidentally break spooky pots. Shop owners will feel a stray ball coming into their sights and pull out their own shotguns, longing to return the favor. This gun comes into your hands and all the grace and decoration will depart. It is the quintessential risk-reward item and it will be your death, even if you are the one holding it.
Arashi – XCOM 2: War Of The Chosen
Crit show or shit show – what would your day be like fighting aliens? Combined with the ridiculous perks of the Ranger character, this sci-fi shotgun will make you a world destroyer, allowing the dice to be rolled. This is the best game of the bunch (hint of disagreement) and it has a 10% chance of hitting a critical hit to destroy extraterrestrial lives. Soldier, I like those odds. Fire!
You missed out.
Romero 77 – Hunt: Showdown
It takes a full three seconds to reload the Romero 77 pistol, and you have to reload after every shot. Do you know how many ways a person can die in the space of three seconds? Experts are shared, but research shows a lot. In Hunt: Showdown, all weapons are designed in a classic style, weird and beautiful, deadly but stubborn. The Romero may not be the best weapon in this intense and monster-hunting multiplayer arena but it’s a prime example of a powerful shotgun that doesn’t just retain the downside of tossing an antique shell. but also push that defect to the extreme of stress and panic.
Shotgun – Resident Evil 2
In a city where undead (captured?) zombies can come back to life, there is a deep thirst for guns capable of exploding heads. The shotgun is your friend in this. Ammo is harder to shoot than normal 9mm ammo but that makes every shot matter, every anti-pate situation a bloody relief act. Again, great video game weapons require large fodder, and the dwindling ammo in your pocket is just as important as the tube that shoots it.
Sovereign – Cyberpunk 2077
Say what you like. The twin-barreled shotgun in Night City is a brute force and I spent the whole game with one. It just makes everything “on”, you know?
Mozambique – Apex Legends
There’s something humorous yet labor-like in Mozambique that makes it valuable to this slide-n-slide battle royale film. I mean not valuable as a weapon, but valuable as a united force of commoners. A painful but necessary joke. Like a startled schoolboy in Battle Royale getting a paper fan, some unlucky players always get stuck in Mozambique after a misplaced drop and a hasty scramble. Sure, good players can take advantage of it brutally. But for most, this simple pistol shot is only slightly better than using your fists. It has become a common joke in Apex to ping it as you walk by, weapon only your teammates to the exclusion of all other guns.
Memezambique has no weight, glamour, or credibility. But it has equally important virtues. Culture, reputation, character, function. First-person shooter designers often talk about how each weapon must have a specific “role” so that no other weapon intrudes too much. That’s why Mozambique, to all its detractors, has never been removed from the Apelegs menu, nor has it been upgraded to a truly desirable level. Its role is to be a side gun, something desperate for nothing more or less to trade. It’s not an impressive weapon, but it does its job in the manner of a Mastiff or Peacekeeper. Every time you don’t pick up this gun, it’s doing its job. This is the only pistol on this list that doesn’t need to fire a single bullet to serve its function. That is real power.
One Off The List from… the best songs in the game
Last time we hummed along with 10 best songs in PC games. However, one of these is not in harmony with your ears. That is…
Eyes On Me from Final Fantasy VIII
“Look at me,” the “ejiAlice” terminator said firmly. “Because I don’t like it.”
Accomplished. Stupid. It’s off the list. This is really all it takes. I am a fickle elf. See you again in the next time. Remember: There’s no such thing as “10 Best Articles” or “13 Worst Stones” jokes, I’m warning you. If you do this, I’ll ask the smartest person I know (hello ma’am) to do the spell for you. Although this is against her moral code, she will summon the will for it from the deep loyalty of her clan. Don’t doubt her.
