Friends, as I write this letter from Jalopnik’s Global Headquarters in the heart of Manhattan, I am very disappointed. For days now, the subway station exit closest to our office has been overrun by hordes of young men in robes. — they are graduating from college, or high school, or some other academic goal. I know this is a big occasion for them, a rite of passage that signals the end of childhood and the first step into the larger, real world, but I need them too. please for the love of God, get out of my way.
The entire sidewalk is just a pile of robes, degrees, and the oldest relatives you’ll ever see, all loitering down the street with seemingly no direction, destination, or deadline. I just want to get off the subway, have lunch, and go to the office, but I have to slide and dodge past graduates and underagers like the world’s worst Subway Surfers lap. So, with that frustration in mind, today we are looking at vehicles that will attract attention and drive people to move—in other words, we are considering The dirtiest car.
