At the beginning
It was Christmas Eve when this poem started
The family of the Gypsy tycoon is as happy as at home
Tyson sat next to his children and wife
Filled with joy and gave kisses
There is happiness, laughter, contentment and love
Then there was an accident on the roof above
Followed by groans and groans. . . “Oh my God!
I broke my leg,” they heard Santa cry.
Tyson brought Santa down from the roof.
“Oh, what a mistake! Oh, what an idiot!
Oh, what a mess,” groaned Santa.
Then Santa’s chubby red cheeks turned pale.
“Can’t travel,” said Santa. “My legs hurt terribly.
Children all over the world will be very sad.
Without this Christmas present, that’s how it’s going to be.
It was the worst thing that ever happened to me.”
“Oh, this is so sad,” Tyson exclaimed.
“It will bring heartache to children all over the world
There must be something that I can do
To help in this time of crisis for you?
Then Tyson sat Santa down by the fire
And stare at the flames as they rise higher than ever.
He frowned and thought more deeply
And clenched fists like in battle.
He squeezed them so tightly that his face turned red.
And a great inspiration appeared in his head
“I get it,” he said. “I know what I will do.
I’ll deliver presents and pretend I’m friends.”
“There is a problem,” said Santa. “You are a really big friend.
And your suit looks like curtains from a bordello
Children will tremble and scream in fear
If they stay up until midnight and see you tonight.”
“Nonsense,” Tyson said. “I am a big cuddly chap.
The children were very excited to sit on my lap.”
“All right,” said Santa Claus. “But before you deliver
There are rules to follow if you are a gift giver.
“Sometimes someone will make a request.
I have a long list of which gifts are the best.
As an alternate Santa, take my advice.
Take this list with you and read it twice.”
Then Santa gave Tyson a long list to read
So Tyson will understand how to proceed
T’was a quest for a king; it will take him all night.
But Tyson was sure he would get it right.
Santa’s list
Gennady wants the judges to see things his way
Terence wants Errol to not delay anymore
Claressa wants another fight like the last time
Don King please go back to the past
Both Charles want love and respect
Eddie Hearn wants to see Queensberry sunk.
Frank Warren wants Eddie Hearn to shut up
DAZN wants someone to come in and buy it
Triller wants a quick payout
Lou DiBella asked to change his luck
AJ asks for a bright future
All sanctioning agencies want money
Probellum asks us to pray solemnly
That people forget all about MTK
And Deontay earnestly hopes that’s true
That he will never fight with you again
Adrien Broner wants less time in prison
Andy Ruiz wants to lose weight on the scale
Amanda Serrano wants Katie again
For a day pay as big as they pay the men
Michael Buffer wants boxing fans to rumble
Most people want Pretty Boy to be humble
Joe Joyce now yearns for a big money fight
And Dillian wants to end each bout with integrity
Jake Paul wrote that he was in trouble
He wants to know how he got into this mess
And musicians want to hear more divine songs
Like Hatton and Sweet Caroline’s Blue Moon
Sky Sport wants Ben Shalom to succeed
Ring 8 wants cash to help struggling warriors
Paco wants to support too much to mention
Gareth A. Davies wants to attract a lot of attention
Conor Benn says as a fighter, he is clean
And don’t want to talk about Clomifene anymore
Charity fighters want more money for VADA
Whose test is light years ahead of USADA
Gervonta wants Ryan. And Ryan wants him
But the chances of that happening are slim
And there are no surprises here; Top Rated Wrote to Speak
It wants everyone to do things its own way
Canelo wants an extra belt to wrap around his waist
And the memory of the battle with Bivol has been erased
Lennox wants to be able to ask
That he beat you in a video game
Fans everywhere want more free matches
Only with super battles on pay TV
Fans also want to see the judges’ scores
Like an impartial jurist instead of a whore
Matt Christie wants good health for all boxers
And a much bigger budget to pay its writers
And this is a request sent to Santa’s chief elf
Al Haymon wants all his toys
To the end
On Christmas Eve, Tyson did exactly what he said
With toys piled up on his sleigh
I go around the world in a cheerful spirit
Give gifts to each girl and boy
It makes him feel good, and his favorite part
Is wherever he goes, to East or West
North or South, lower or higher
Children leave cookies and milk by the fire
He thinks all sweets are a great treat
It ate one by one, a remarkable feat
And I heard Tyson say when he got home that night,
“My stomach is stuffed and my pants are too tight.”
Thomas Hauser’s email address is [email protected]. His most recent book – Inner Sanctum: Behind the scenes at the big battles – published by the University of Arkansas Press. In 2004, the Boxing Writers Association of America honored Hauser with the Nat Fleischer Award for outstanding career in boxing journalism. In 2019, Hauser was selected for boxing’s highest honor – inducted into the International Boxing Hall of Fame.
