Swap spies for marriage and more or less you have the argument in Deniz Kandiyoti’s famous 1988 article Negotiating with the patriarchy. She analyzed the ways in which women in India and the United States are first pressured to accept the “bargain” of becoming dependent on a man in exchange for his promises of support and protection. men, were then invested in preserving the patriarchal system, because they feared that any threat to it would mean men being released from their obligations under traditional rules. that system.
Kandiyoti writes: Feminism and a break from patriarchal norms can benefit the younger generation. But for “the generation of women caught in the middle, this transformation can represent real personal tragedy, as they have paid dearly for a previous patriarchal agreement, but have not been able to earn it.” benefits as promised”. Those women are often deeply opposed to feminism and fear the changes it might bring. (This is the subject of another great TV series, “Mrs. America,” about the rise of conservative activist Phyllis Schlafly, in case you’re looking for another series to party watch any real their gender equality.)
Last spring, I interview Angie Maxwell, a political scientist at the University of Arkansas who studies voting patterns among white, Southern women. She found that Republicans tried to build support within that group in part by associating with their fear that the women’s movement would leave wives and mothers vulnerable to abandonment by their husbands.
“If you’re financially dependent and people are saying you’re going to have to fend for yourself, that if you get a divorce your husband won’t have to pay child support, that’s scary,” she says. with me.
It is a pattern that also emerges in more subtle ways, even among advocates of women’s equality and feminism, but whose personal choices are constrained by the realities of a new world. gender inequality. ONE new report from Price Waterhouse Coopers, a consulting firm, found that “The penalty of motherhood – the lifetime earnings that women have to pay to raise children – has become the single most important driver of disparity. wages by sex.” And the main reason for motherhood punishment, it found, is that mothers bear most of the burden of childcare in most countries around the world. In the United Kingdom, the report found, the high cost of childcare causes many women to leave the workforce altogether.
Of course, men can equally share childcare duties. My husband and I both work, and he does at least half, and often more, of our two children. And I like to believe it’s because of our unwavering commitment to equality in relationships. But I know that it can be helpful as our family has never been more dependent on his income than mine. There was never any practical motive to protect his career at my own expense.
But when men earn more than their spouses, as they often do, the motives seem different. I have watched many high-achieving women I know leave the workforce after having children because their husbands’ salaries are much higher. It starts early: maternity leave is often unpaid, and when the husband is the higher earner, the cost of unpaid maternity leave seems insurmountable as the family faces family costs. increase of a new born baby.
