The secret to life is to put yourself in the right light. Susan Cain wrote this in her book, Silent, all about the power of introverts in a world that can’t be stopped talking. After filling out 265 pages with the fact that There are different powers in the world for introverts and extroverts, she writes, “The secret is not in accumulating all the different types of available power,” Cain wrote in her conclusion, “but in making good use of the kind of power you already possess. given.”
Through reading her book, I discovered some important things about myself. My silence and shyness are a wonderful opening to my potential, not a disruption. I just need to redirect the way I’m thinking about them. I’m not awkward — I understand. I’m not weak – I’m very sensitive. I had an unlockable key to a private garden full of wealth. I find strength in observation and empathy and can’t beat myself up for lack of desire to find it when it comes to public speaking and wide conversation.
So, what else am I missing about who I am? What negative truths are actually constructive opportunities?
Society’s expectations are overwhelming; The way we see ourselves is not and should not be in line with the ideal. Improperly labeled “bad traits” can be good.
Society sees the world in a certain way. Humans are said to be reckless multitaskers, hustlers, dreamers, underdogs, and the delicate couple for the American dream. Women must be silent, compliant, and at the same time, humble and make efforts in sex. Society’s expectations are overwhelming; The way we see ourselves is not and should not be in line with the ideal. Improperly labeled “bad traits” can be good. If we see them in a new light, we can derive strength from them and ourselves.
So I came up with six personality traits (about myself) that I always find negative; I discovered how they could be my secret but palpable superpowers.
first. Jealous
I’ve been jealous more times than I can count. Until I became a writer, I felt deeply jealous of other writers. I want to be an author. I want to read my book in a bookstore. In every romantic comedy of the early 2000s, the main character is a magazine editor (Writer’s Note: basically all of them), I want that life. That envy comes in an interesting form. Wanting to be a writer is so bad that I feel inadequate and overwhelmed by the possibilities. I fear envy and the prospect of failure.
Recently, someone at work told me that envy in my professional life can dictate what I want. Jealousy reveals an unspoken desire and need. What a constructive way to look at emotions! If I start to feel like I want something someone else has, I need to use it as a cue to pursue said appetite; destroy the seed of that desire. Jealousy can be an ugly emotion, but it speaks for itself. If we observe our desires objectively, we can better define how to approach them.
Jealousy can be an ugly emotion, but it speaks for itself. If we observe our desires objectively, we can better define how to approach them.
I want to note here that envy is different from envy. I learned this from Brené Brown, craving emotion researcher and TED Talk coordinator. Jealousy and envy are not the same thing. Envy is between two people and wanting something that the other has. On the other hand, jealousy is between three people and it is the fear of losing something to someone else’s hands. I found this benefit when I was especially jealous and realized that I wanted something, instead of being afraid of losing what I already had.
2. Self-criticism
As a writer, I go back and read what I’ve written a lot. I find myself on old Instagram posts, online articles, and diary entries—criticizing what I’ve shared in the past. When I first started journaling (around first grade), I was obsessed with going back and re-reading it year by year. I was intrigued by how much things had changed; my way speak those things have changed.
So it makes sense that I frequently come across previous posts that I hate. I shrink from my style and tone, the way I put my words, and the beliefs or thoughts I have. On the bright side of this negative self-criticism, when I look back at my art and don’t like it, I think it’s because I’m more mature than I was in the past. Change can be uncomfortable – but discomfort often leads to deeper growth. And self-criticism is one way to identify that development is happening.
3. Messing up
I mess up all the time. I mess up at work. I mess with my friends. I mess with my family. I get confused when it comes to saving money, cooking, driving, falling in love, and being sad. Clutter is in our nature.
However, making mistakes in all of those realms shows that we may need to rest. We need to slow down and, figuratively speaking, stop trying to pat our heads and rub our stomachs at the same time. I burn out beginning of the year at my job. My work is very sloppy and I have no space to write. I made a mistake that felt amateurish. So I took some time to rest. Going to bed doesn’t mean I’m weak. And messing up certainly doesn’t mean I’m stupid or incapable. Imagine it, perfectionist of the century! (Writer’s Note: I’m mocking myself but blink twice if you feel that way.)
4. Lazy
Contrary to the hustle culture, moving slowly – completing only one important task per day – is a luxury. When forced to perform multiple tasks, our brains have a more challenging time with recall. We became overwhelmed. I also read somewhere that slow walkers are happier. That resonates with me. Why do I have to do it in such a hurry? everything, all the time?
I want to make my battle lazy. It’s not that I don’t want to work or use a lot of energy, but I do want to be ready to take things slow. And don’t hate myself for it. My sister gave me a book recently called How to become more trees and the first page said it best: “As a wise man once said, patience is not in the length of time you wait, but how you deal with having to wait. And the map of Japan solved all of this. These little trees grow in the mountains, where life is slow, winters can be difficult, and it’s not a great idea if you’re too worried about yourself.”
So be like a Japanese maple. You will eventually be filled with beautiful bronze foliage.
5. Swearing
Until I was in college, I was conditioned to think that swearing made me bad. I didn’t swear in front of my parents until I was in my late twenties and still cring from doing so now (I’m thirty-four). Although scared of the f*ck word for too long, when I started swearing, it made me feel good. It was nice to scream a terrible hail “damn” into the air. Even though I think I’m a foul sailor, swearing makes me feel… calm.
A Keele University research recently emerged and showed that swearing is beneficial for your pain response. The details of the study showed that swearing allowed people to hold hands under cold running water for a longer period of time than a group of people who weren’t allowed to swear. I think what I’m writing here is that sometimes, saying “damn, I quit” can be a cure-all.
6. Introversion
A quote from Anaïs Nin: “Our culture makes it a virtue to live only as extroverts. We do not encourage the inner journey, the search for a center. So we lost our center and we had to find it again.”
I can shine as an introvert because it’s that personality trait that allows me to be a better listener and a compassionate storyteller. Knowing a little bit about myself has allowed me to give myself more grace.
In By Susan Cain book, she wrote to keep in mind that appearances are not reality. We don’t know what’s going on inside people’s minds. They may be writing a sonnet, fantasizing about fear, or thinking about what they will say next. But, we cannot assume that extroversion is the only type of strength. The same goes for being an introvert. Silence is attractive.
I didn’t understand before reading her book, Silent, that the Extroverted Ideal has overshadowed my life for so long. While reading, I quickly realized that my truth was an introverted mentality. I was too sensitive. I do not like noise. I always feel empathy. And when I stifled the idea of being an introvert, I stifled those, too. I lost a part of myself trying to boast about being a great public speaker and hated myself for closing the door and feeling incredibly awkward in conversation. I can shine as an introvert because it’s that personality trait that allows me to be a better listener and a compassionate storyteller. Knowing a little bit about myself has allowed me to give myself more grace.
The lesson here is this. If we are curious and open about how negative personal traits can become lessons to apply in defining ourselves, we can use lemons to make lemonade.
End with this perfect statement by Susan Cain, “Find out what you want to contribute to the world and make sure you contribute it. If this requires public speaking or networking or other activities that make you uncomfortable, do them anyway. But accept that they’re tough, take the training you need to make them easier, and reward yourself when you’re done. “
Susan Cain’s words always make me want to drop the mic. Now, tell me your negative truth really helps. We can all learn from them.
Brittany Chaffee is a passionate storyteller, professional author, and author. Every day, she gets paid to strategize and create content for brands. Outside of business hours, it’s all about a well-lit place, warm bread, and good company. She lives in St.Paul with her cat brother, Rami and Monkey. Follow her on Instagramread more about her latest book, border lineand (most importantly) hug your mom.
