Fathers reflect on the challenges of fatherhood in the two years following the COVID pandemic: NPR

A father plays with his son at a park in Amritsar, India, on Father’s Day in June 2016.

Narinder Nanu / AFP via Getty Images

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Narinder Nanu / AFP via Getty Images

A father plays with his son at a park in Amritsar, India, on Father’s Day in June 2016.

Narinder Nanu / AFP via Getty Images

With the shift to working from home giving fathers the opportunity to spend more time with their children, the challenge of balancing work and family over the past two years has presented some of them with new challenges. A new look at fatherhood.

For Elgin Oliver, a father of two living in Missouri, being a father during the pandemic also means working a full-time job and taking online courses.

“It’s been tough, especially the school part, because just trying to find time to sit down to do schoolwork and then still try to help around the house with the kids…so my time really sucks. stretched out,” said Oliver. .

Elgin Oliver with his daughter.

Elgin Oliver

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Elgin Oliver

Elgin Oliver with his daughter.

Elgin Oliver

“I came to find out that’s not what you do, it’s more time you spend with them, and I know that our relationship has grown and grown stronger,” he said.

Other dads reflect on the impact of their children’s distance learning during the pandemic.

“You basically have to shift your role from being a dad, to being your role of dad, teacher, caregiver, fitness instructor, dietitian, because all meals are the same. …but you should also find that sense of balance on How wonderful it is to have the whole family together for just three meals a day,” said Lance Somerfeld, a father of two. live in New York, said.

Somerfeld with his two children.

Lance Somerfeld

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Lance Somerfeld

Somerfeld with his two children.

Lance Somerfeld

One Pew Research Center A survey from February, polling working parents with children under 12 at home, found that 43% of fathers and 58% of mothers noted difficulties in caring responsibilities. take care of children caused by the pandemic. A corresponding survey in October 2020 had similar results.

Work from home, no separation between home and office

The pandemic has also forced many fathers to have a work-life balance while there is no separation between home and work.

“With our kids so young – just 7, 4 and under 1 year old – they don’t necessarily understand the concept of what work really is if you’re working from home than it used to be, when I was a kid. in the Air Force,” said Austin Lieberman, a father of three living in Florida.

The stress of working from home and taking on the extra responsibility of looking after children during the pandemic has also caused fathers to turn to each other for support.

Oliver starts the podcast Call of Duty Black Dads with his friend in 2018 to shed light on their experiences as Black fathers. They continued to document episodes throughout the pandemic about their concerns as parents.

Fatherhood groups offer a way to connect

Others have turned to father-focused groups in their area to foster a sense of community and connection with one another.

Somerfeld, who co-founded City Dads Group in New York City in 2008, says the organization has grown into a collective network of about 24,000 dads in more than 40 cities across the country.

Sean Leacy, a father of four and organizer for Puget Sound Dads Group and Tacoma Dads Group, said: “With more and more dads coming home for remote work, it’s really an opportunity for fathers.”

“Being able to be a part of these groups and really have the opportunity to connect with other people is huge,” says Leacy.

The pandemic has also given dads a chance to reflect on the limited time they have for themselves, while appreciating the moments they might not have been able to spend with their children.

“I find myself incredibly grateful for some of the moments that I’ve had where I can steal a little bit of time we’ve all sacrificed for a few years,” Somerfeld said.

“I think a lot of it is just an appreciation of what we have, our health, the special time we’ve had with the kids – that we’ll never have that much time. with them too,” he said.