Booth Babes, Bull Rides, and Volcano Bonds: A Walk Through the Bizarre Bitcoin Symposium in Miami
Peter Thiel, the 54-year-old PayPal co-founder, a great capitalist, is throwing $100 bills from the main stage, trying to show how important they are. When members of the crowd rushed to grab them, Thiel looked shocked. “I thought you guys must be Bitcoin maximalists!” Rage against the “financial aging regime” – which, of course, made him very rich – Thiel mocked the legendary investor Warren Buffett as “sociological grandpa from Omaha.” (Tell us about your childhood, Peter). Also on dais are bright stars like Jordan PetersonCanadian psychologist who found her true and truly lucrative, called a far-right provocateur, who encouraged young men to clean their rooms.
In the backstage hall, we passed Tucker Carlson, deep in the explanatory discourse for some of the following microphones and cameras. On the conference floor, catching up with trends, Bitcoin influencers Max Keisera person who voiced support for the president of Salvador Nayib Bukele, tearing up some dollar bills with another attendee—captured on smartphone video, of course. They immediately posted the video, laughing at their own audacity, their ultimate performance disregard for real money.
All of these histories feel choreographed and trivial. For me, the conference was not about experiencing the loud, overwhelming Bitcoin glorifications but studying some of the industry’s leading figures in their seemingly candid moments (this admittedly very rare). It’s also about retail investors, ordinary people who have dedicated their lives to these things. I wanted to understand what drew people to the Bitcoin story.
But first, I want some goods. Across the sprawling Miami Beach Convention Center, products and sales range from free NFTs to participation in the next ICO’s ground floor (“initial coin offering”) that looks great. Similar to previous ICOs. A DAO (“decentralized autonomous organization”) promises an investment plan to “democratize yachting”. Cryptocurrency mining machines sell for thousands of dollars each. There is a surprising amount of art, loosely defined. An artist sold imitations of a Jeff Koons-the damn dog Bitcoin bubble—doggystyle, naturally—another dog representing the US dollar. We adopted Underpants for Bitcoin, a father-and-son underwear business primarily as an enthusiastic branding exercise. Bars that sell expensive drinks match up with franchises that sell expensive stadium food. A mechanical cow, the girls in the booth, loads of gifts, all filmed, tweeted and posted on Instagram from every angle. In front of a small crowd, I did a few push-ups for God and received a “Jesus for Bitcoin” t-shirt.
If you ignore the official hype and instead talk to ordinary people talking about the conference, Bitcoin Miami can sometimes feel like another trade show. Big and energetic, full of drunken peddlers talking about how Bitcoin has changed their lives, with grants adorning every surface, it’s a Potemkin village of theism. American consumption and gambling addiction, masquerading as the humble cryptocurrency, as the future of the entire financial system. $8 Budweisers for sale beneath a 50-foot Bitcoin volcano spewing steam with all the magnificence of a high school science fair project. This volcano celebrates the release of El Salvador’s Bitcoin Bonds and welcomes the President Nayib BukeleKeynote address’s address. Sadly for the attendees, on the first day of the conference, Bukele canceled his trip to the United States in response to growing unrest in his country.
At the convention, the featured speaker was in the wind, but the striking volcano was still spewing smoke and the bar was still stocked. I ordered a Budweiser and asked if I could pay with Bitcoin. Unfortunately, their Bitcoin-to-real money machine has stopped working, but they accepted my US dollars which the conference celebrities seemed eager to rip off in protest. Perhaps TradeFi still has its uses.
Outside the convention center, all eyes are on an imposing sculpture of a swaggering creature known as the Bitcoin Bull, an homage to the original Wall Street. Shaped from thick sheets of glossy material that looks like an evil mixture of metal and plastic, this creature is no joke. Filled with laser eyes and ferocious stares, the bull is sleek: a glittering, furious demonstration of capitalist America’s brand of masculine innovation. “In Miami, we have big balls,” says Francis SuárezMiami’s Bitcoin Mayor who toyed with the idea of tax repeal and funded the city through a nearly worthless token called MiamiCoin.
There’s only one problem: Contra Suarez, the bull doesn’t have big balls. Yes, the aggressive Bitcoin Bull is clearly the castrated breed. I gently asked a few people taking pictures beside him if they had heard of incels. The confused answers were reassured.
The local members, while zealous, were very temperate. No one yelled at me at the Bitcoin Conference or accused me of being an atheist. Some are overwhelmed with generosity of interest—there is at least one invitation to a strip club that I believe is not a secret marketing ploy. The lack of open conflict is almost a disappointment—and perhaps a sign of my latent narcissism. People are just excited to talk to a certain guy from the TV whose cameras follow him around.
