By Dr. Justin
Sexual health
What does it mean healthy sex?
For many people, the first thing that comes to mind is not getting infected with sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and taking steps to prevent an unwanted or unwanted pregnancy. In many ways, this makes sense as it aligns with the message given through most sex education courses, which mainly discuss sex as a potential pathway to disease and pregnancy. — and little else.
Certainly, condoms and birth control are important components of sexual health; however, they are not only one the components. Think of it this way: just because someone has taken steps to prevent STIs and an unwanted pregnancy or happens to be in a relationship where these are not a concern, does this necessarily does that mean their sexual health is optimal? Are not!
In this article, I’ll talk about some of the other important components of sexual health – which have a lot to do with your psychosexuality – and the practical steps you can take to improve your sexual health. his sex.
To be sexually healthy, you must let go of your shame and sexual guilt.
Your sexual health is, in part, a function of your views on sex. If sex is something that makes you feel ashamed, embarrassed, anxious, or guilty, chances are you’ll have a hard time enjoying it and getting what you want. Sex will be more of a stressor than a reliever.
I have seen this in my own research. For example, the more shame and guilt people feel about their sexual fantasies and desires, the less likely they are to communicate about them to their partners – and the less sexually satisfied they tend to be. than.
If you don’t feel able to talk about your sexual desires and needs, this can lead to a less fulfilling sexual experience for everyone. Even if your partner is very invested in giving you pleasure, if they don’t know what you really enjoy, they may make incorrect assumptions.
Expecting your partner to read your mind in every sexual situation not only makes it harder for you to get what you want, but it can also lead to conflict, difficulty being and staying aroused, and loss of desire. It’s hard to maintain an unsatisfying sex drive.
So, how can you vent your shame, shame, and guilt? The key is self-acceptance and re-establishing your beliefs about what is “normal” when it comes to sexuality and the human body.
First, think about where your negative feelings are coming from. Is it because you think your sexual fantasies are “strange” or unusual? Is it because you don’t like the shape of your genitals? Is it because you think sex itself is “dirty”?
Once you’ve discovered the source, the next step is to find the right tools and resources to tackle it. Sometimes, a little good sex education is all that is needed. For example, some men feel embarrassed about the size of their penis and think it is too small when in reality they are very close to average or even above average. Likewise, many people are embarrassed to have strange sexual fantasies when the truth is told, most of us have had strange sexual thoughts before.
Finding educational materials that can help you expand your definition of what is normal can help you feel more secure and accepting of yourself. Sometimes the source of sexual shame is very deep and so working with a certified sex therapist who can guide you through the process can be necessary. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer here — it’s important to find a way to release the shame that addresses your needs and works for you.
To be sexually healthy, you must feel comfortable and confident when communicating about sex.
Many people find sex easier than talking about it. But if you don’t communicate, that can cause some problems. However, neither partner can get what they really want through sex. For others, they may make incorrect assumptions about each other that set the stage for relationship conflict.
For example, if one partner doesn’t feel much sexual desire because they’re too stressed out with work or childcare, the other partner may misperceive this low sexual interest as unattractive or unattractive. lack of love.
Unfortunately, most of us never formally learn to communicate effectively about sex, especially when you consider that the main message delivered in many sex education courses is “just say no.” “.
So how can you become a better sex communicator? Embracing sexual shame can certainly help with this by removing a heavy barrier. But that is not enough. You need to develop your communication skills and find forms of communication that you are comfortable with.
You may need to try a few ways to see what works. The great thing about sexual communication is that it can take so many different forms! For example, if you can’t seem to find the words, you can communicate nonverbally. One way to do this is through whining and whining when your partner does things that feel really good. Or you can talk with your fingers by gently guiding your partner’s hand to where you want to be touched.
Or you can do a demonstration: touch yourself while your partner watches. This way, you can teach them what you like, while creating a stimulating performance.
Other ways to communicate might include talking after sex and sharing what you really like, playing a porn game that encourages you to share your fantasies, or sitting down and talking about it. your sex life.
The options are endless — just find a way to share what you like that feels natural to you.
To be sexually healthy, you need to understand your own body — and feel comfortable in it.
Ultimately, one of the keys to sexual health is understanding your own body and understanding what feels good for you. If Friend Don’t know what you like, how can you expect your partner?
This is where masturbation can come in handy (no pun intended). Masturbation is often a very quick act that people return to over and over again with just one form of stimulation — but that won’t help you expand your sexual repertoire.
Try some prolonged masturbation where the goal isn’t to reach orgasm as quickly as possible. Take your time, incorporate routines, explore your body and discover new sources of joy.
This can be as simple as trying new techniques or reaching the brink of orgasm and prolonging that feeling for as long as possible (often called rim). You can also experiment with sex toys, try different lubricants, or change positions, time of day, or locations. Alternatively, you can explore the temperature, watch yourself in the mirror as you do it, or switch your arousal. For example, if you are someone who always watches porn while masturbating, you can try to exploit your fantasies or maybe listen to some porn stories while letting your imagination run wild.
Remember, when it comes to sex, sometimes you don’t know what you like until you try it.
Takeaways
I hope you now see that sexual health is more than just reducing the risk of STIs and unwanted pregnancy. It’s also about having the right view of sex, being comfortable in your own skin, understanding what brings you joy, and feeling empowered to ask for what you want.
Presenter:
Babin, EA (2013). An examination of nonverbal and verbal communication predictors of sexual pleasure and sexual satisfaction. Journal of Social and Personal Relations, 30(3), 270-292.
Lehmiller, JJ (2017). Human sexual psychology (Second edition). Oxford, UK: Wiley-Blackwell.
Lehmiller, JJ (2018). Tell me what you want: The science of libido and how it can help you improve your sex life. Boston, MA: Da Capo.
Nagoski, E. (2015). Come to you: Surprising new science that will transform your sex life. Simon and Schuster.
