“Touching the grass” has become the rallying cry of angry people on the internet, and it’s often targeted at gamers. It’s shorthand for “go out”, or simply “god, what you’re complaining about is ONLINE is SO SO SLEEP that you really should go and do something other than sitting in front of the computer.” shouting at strangers on the internet”. It’s like saying “calm down,” but much more suggestive: We should all really get out more, right?
YouTuber and Twitch streamer j0rts, who seems to be some sort of duck, spends most of his videos doing weird and “virtually pointless” things, as he put it himself. This includes play Mario Kart with just your eyes, beat Super Mario 64 at 400% speedand try to complete the Great Deku Tree dungeon without ever turning left.
J0rts latest project is a gamer’s dream: Touch the grass as fast as you can in every Mario game. Most games take only a few seconds, although it takes almost two minutes to find the first grass in Super Mario Bros.and ends three and ahalf next minute Yoshi Island. longest so far is Super Mario Sunshinelasted a ridiculous 7 minutes, mostly because it was all cut scenes.
J0rts establishes some ground rules (hahaha, ground rules) for grass touching — it must be active, i.e. not in a cutscene, and it must be green, and on the ground, so bushes don’t’ don’t count, and neither does the black grass at the top Super Mario Odyssey.
You’re probably wondering which game is the fastest to hit that grass, right? Surprisingly, it was Super Mario Land 2with only 6.34 seconds of non-grass activities before Mario gets his hands on that green grass.
Now you know. If you’re asked to touch the grass, just fire up Super Mario Land 2 and you’ll have a handful of grass in no time.
