Regardless of whether you ended the relationship, you broke up, or you and your partner decided to break up, breaking up can be a very challenging time.
The end of a relationship doesn’t just mean you and your partner break up; it can have an impact on your social circumstances, life arrangements, finances, family, and of course, your mental health.
While it may not seem like it right now, there are ways to deal with the breakup, deal with any emotions you may be feeling, start moving on, and even use the insights and Lessons You Learn from Relationships in Future Relationships—How to.
Don’t feel like you simply have to get over a breakup, move on right away
While friends and family may think they’re helping by telling you to get over it and move on, a breakup can be a serious life event and it’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed. There are a number of strong emotions around, including fear, anxiety, anger, confusion, bitterness, loneliness, and more.
“It’s important to remember that the end of a relationship is a type of loss, and it’s a complex loss,” says Lauren Fasanella, a therapist and MyWellbeing community member in a recent SmallTalk on MyWellbeing’s Instagram. “Not only do you lose the relationship and all that happened to it, you also lose the person from your life.”
“Unlike death, humans are still out there, which means it’s not the same end as death,” she said. “You have to allow yourself time to feel the pain and give yourself time to grieve, recover from this and give yourself time to heal. It’s important to be kind to yourself and be kind to yourself.”
If a breakup is a loss type, that means grief, recovery, and space to heal are all part of the process, and that can take some time—it’s not something that goes overnight. playing with your friends will fix it.
“Go yourself; dealing with breakups is a process,” Daniel Sieber, a therapist and MyWellbeing community member. “Allow yourself to experience all of the emotions that come with grieving the loss of a relationship. Understand that it gets easier over time. ”
After breaking up, don’t try to force friendship with your partner too quickly
“It is very difficult to try to be friends with someone in the period immediately after a breakup,” says Lauren.
That’s not to say you can never be friends, but especially in the immediate aftermath, when you’re both taking time to heal, trying to turn a friendship into a business can be. cause pain and draw out the healing process.
“Try to wait six to twelve months to try to reconnect,” says Lauren, “Or at least until you feel that you are completely over the relationship. If you continue to talk to the person or maintain some level of contact during the healing process, it gives you a sense of false hope and it delays your healing while still and that person in your life”.
Although it can be difficult to adjust to being alone, if you’re the one ending the relationship, respect your partner and don’t second-guess your decision.
“It’s easy to just look at the happy times in your relationship and see it through rose-tinted glasses when you’re feeling lonely or vulnerable,” says Daniel. “Be mindful of the positive aspects of your relationship that you want to experience with someone new once you’re ready to date again.”
Resist the temptation to follow them on social media
Cutting ties completely sounds dramatic — just because you follow them on Instagram doesn’t mean you are talk for them! —but it is an important way to speed up your healing process.
“While it may seem painful to cut ties with the other person, it will actually speed up your healing process,” says Lauren. “And not only should you cut ties with them by talking to them and meeting them in person, it’s also very important not to follow them on social media. If you do, you’re still monitoring their lives and you might also see something that might upset you. “
And if you’re the one being tracked on social media, you can block it. While it may seem extreme, the social surveillance game has completely changed over the past few years. If you want, you can send a simple note that says: I think it will help both of us heal faster if we are no longer connected here, And leave it there.
So what can someone do to cope after a breakup?
“Try and maintain as much normalcy in your life as possible,” says Daniel. “Stay active through exercise and hobbies; Do something different that you’ve always wanted to try. Stay connected with others, but listen to yourself and spend time alone when you need to.”
He also says it can be helpful to practice gratitude for the positive things in your life and to be mindful of the small joys you may experience on a daily basis. “Writing a gratitude journal can be really helpful and well-founded. A breakup can sometimes feel like a significant void in your life, but maintaining a rich mindset is important because it’s so easy to lose sight of all the great things you’ll be spending. for yourself when grieving the loss of a relationship. ”
Here are some other coping strategies that can help:
-
Avoid using drugs or alcohol to cope
-
Make sure to feel your emotions by thinking, journaling, or talking to someone
-
Stay active through exercise and movement
-
Take care of your body with proper nutrition and enough sleep
-
Do the things that make you happy — it doesn’t matter how simple (yes, we’re talking puppy videos, re-watching your favorite show or comedy or whatever. make you laugh)
-
Join organizations that interest you or donate your time or money to causes that move you
You don’t want to be completely immersed in your hobby (it’s okay to lose focus)—this is your time to put in the effort.
“Try to focus on yourself,” says Lauren. “You want to stay busy with projects that you might not be able to do because you are busy with relationships. You can read books, watch movies, or do anything and everything to keep yourself busy. The busier you are, the less likely you are to fall into the trap of wanting to meet your partner, contact them, or check their social media accounts.”
It can also be a time to try new things. Lauren Recommendations:
Activities like these can give you a fresh start with new people, new activities, and a renewed living space.
How long does it take to get over a breakup?
The time will come eventually to move on, but that time looks different for everyone and can depend on all sorts of factors. What matters most is whether you give yourself time to grieve and heal and whether you feel ready to move on. Even if it takes some time, moving on is an important part of the process.
Finally, “you really want to focus on moving forward in your life,” says Lauren. “You will want to look inward, not introspectively, about the breakup and move on from this, acknowledging all the good things that happened in the relationship and the reason it ended. You can even think about what you can do next time to prevent those mistakes, especially if it was a mistake you made. Introspection will allow you to move forward with all those lessons. ”
“When the time is right, you can totally go back to dating,” she says. “You want to pursue moving forward without writing a negative story for yourself. You want to write a positive story for yourself and move forward with a fresh perspective and a great attitude. ”
If you’re struggling to recover from a breakup, a therapist or coach can help
There are a million reasons why you might be struggling to cope and move on after a breakup. If some time has passed and you still find it difficult to adjust and move on, a therapist or coach can work with you to find out why you might be stuck a lot and find some additional strategies to help you.
Breakups can be devastating and have a huge impact on our lives, but if we sit still with our feelings, practice self-care, and take time to grieve and heal, It’s entirely possible to continue. Above all, be kind to yourself — you deserve it.
