When we see a significant other, roommate, friend, loved one or family member suffering, our first instinct is often to do whatever we can to help. While we may think that therapy can be a great way to support them, it can be difficult to figure out how to direct the subject. Simply saying, “Looks like you might need therapy,” sounds more confrontational than supportive, especially if it’s a conversation that happened in the past (and didn’t end well).
So how can we convince others to go to therapy without damaging our relationship or feeling like we’ve crossed the line?
For better or for worse, you can’t convince someone to go to therapy
But! There are many ways to encourage or convince someone to try therapy.
It’s important to remember that when we think about how to do this, much of the work isn’t really about how we can convince them, but around setting our own expectations, creating Set boundaries around what we can and can’t control and model for others what we believe is in our own best health interests.
Once they start to see some benefits of your modeling behaviors, you’ll likely be more effective at persuading them than if you just sat down and said, “I think you need to go to therapy.” .
When you are trying to convince others to go to therapy, first consider your own boundaries
Often, when we decide that we want to convince someone to go to therapy, that feeling begins with seeing someone we care about suffering, someone we want to help. But as nice and rewarding as therapy can be, it needs to be effective. It’s really hard to convince someone to go and really benefit from the work if they don’t come to that conclusion and decide for themselves to come out and do the work their way.
When you see someone suffering, sit down and strategize with yourself first. Think about how much:
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be in your control when you can support them
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beyond your control
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you can assert yourself
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you can dedicate yourself to the process of providing support to them without exhausting yourself if they say no or they are not ready
Then you can take a small step towards starting a conversation. You can:
After you’ve established your own boundaries, tap into your own sense of curiosity
Learning more about what’s going on with the other person can be a good next step to motivating them gently and encourage them to consider therapy or take it more seriously if they have said no in the past.
Tap into your curiosity by saying, “Hey, how are you feeling really? What is really happening? Can you help me get in or tell me what’s going on? I want to be here for you and I want to support you” or “I care about you and I am a little worried about what I am seeing. Can we talk about it? Or do you want to share with me? ”
If they say no or they’re not ready, respect the fact that it could be a vulnerable topic for them.
If they do allow you to join and have them share how they feel, ask them what is working for them or has worked for them in the past to help them feel more grounded or safe.
If they’re unsure or something they’re using or have used before is no longer working, you can say, “Hey, have you considered therapy?”
Or “Recently, I noticed that you are struggling with _______. I want you to know that I’m here for you and that therapy can help you cope with whatever’s going on. It can be hard to get started, but I’d be happy to assist you if you’re looking to find a therapist to help. What do you think?”
Sometimes, if someone is going through something for the first time, such as grief, they may feel the need or desire to seek therapy for the first time in their lives and not know that it is even an option. . Try saying something like this:
“There is nothing shameful or shameful about wanting help with your pain. No one has ever taught you how to experience a loss like this before, and now you have to. But you don’t have to do it alone. Feeling grieving can make you feel different than people who don’t ‘sick’. That’s why it’s so helpful to talk to someone who can ‘normalize’ your sadness and validate your experience. Everything changes after a death: relationships, family dynamics, habits, work, school, etc and I think it would be really helpful for you to have some support to get through this. this. ”
Whether they say no, yes, or they’ve tried and it doesn’t work, thank them for sharing. Ask if they’d reconsider and let them know how much it means to you if they give it a try or another chance.
You can even take it a step further and take some of your time aside and let them know that you’re up for it. help with the search process. Helping them identify some of the clinicians who might be a good fit for them can help ease some of the difficulty in finding a therapist.
If they still resist, There are several things you can do to highlight the importance of therapy:
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Try to use your relationship as leverage, in a loving way. Let them know how important your relationship with them is to you and how it can be beneficial when they are seeking therapy. Avoid giving an ultimatum, as it can cause you emotional distress.
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Name their admirable qualities, as it’s easier to attract someone by pointing out what you like about them. By pointing out their positive qualities, you can motivate them to take the necessary steps to further self-improvement.
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Explain specific areas of problem behavior, noting that most people who refuse therapy can claim that they don’t have a problem. By addressing specific issues without judgment, you can help them see the need to seek professional help.
Remember that at the end of the day, they have to be bought in, they have to show up for consultation phone to judge if their potential therapist is a good fit, and they should be the one to say, “Okay, I’m ready to do this.”
When trying to convince others to go to therapy, modeling the behavior you want to see can be extremely effective
If you are encouraging others to go to therapy, it will make the most sense to them if you are in therapy on your own and they can see the huge strides you have made in life. They’ll notice if you’ve gotten closer to your goals, are embracing your values, or are starting to notice positive changes in your relationships, work, or personal life. and start to wonder if what is working well for you could work well for them as well.
While you can’t just convince others to go to therapy, there are things you can do to support them and encourage them to get started.
By setting your own boundaries, tapping into your sense of curiosity, and modeling the behaviors you want them to reflect., you’ll be able to give them the push they may need to find the support they deserve.
