MotoGP through Boris’ crazy bloodshot eyes | Round one

MotoGP 2022 – Round one – Qatar

From the towel-covered couch in Borrie’s living room, come his keyboard brutal dissections of every lap of the greatest sport on earth. Monolids, prejudice, passion, and sometimes imprecise and completely incorrect, here are his actions during the 2022 MotoGP season.

RENEWAL OF HOUSING

And so it began. In the desert. In the dark. Where all great things begin. Like hunting wild camels with spears.

The MotoGP 2022 season is going to be great. I can feel it in my bones.

This will be the first season in a quarter of a century without Valentino Rossi, but I’m a bit tired of watching him race Nakagami to 12th. So maybe it’s better this way.

But there are many questions to consider before hostilities begin. And testing showed nothing more than that Honda had built a brand new bike that it hoped Pol could run as well as Marc.

So this will be the make-or-break year of Marc Marquez and his claim to be the Greatest of All Time. Is he back to full fitness, or is he just saying? How many angles does he really see?

Was that the year Jack Miller climbed to the top of the stake, pierced Mir with an iron, and erected a statue of himself in Bologna? Or does he start talking to Suzuki about a trip next year?

I feel Fabulous will definitely defend his title with more blood than the previous champion, Joan Mir, ever managed. And he’s racing with dyed hair rather than a gangster’s girlfriend, so I hope he’s up for the smash, too.

I’d also love to see the five most intense rookies ever. And they’re ready to kick – or think they are. Marco Bezzecchi, Raul Fernandez, Binder the Younger, Fabio Di Giannantonio and Remy Gardner all hope they get this. Whatever ‘this’ is or what it turns out to be, hopefully won’t be an aerial fence or earth orbit.

And will the rookies of last season be the weapons of this season? Jorge Martin, Luca Marini and Enea ‘The Beast’ Bastianini know more this year than last – and they were fast last year.

Ducati thinks 2022 will be a brilliant event with all guns and the company has more guns than ever before. Eight Ducatis on the grid for a title have skipped it since the Casey Stoner days.

Aprilia’s also looks faster than ever – but can Aleix Espargaro and Maverick Vinales get the most out of the bikes and themselves? Will their love blossom or turn to bitter condemnation and shin kicks? I think that will be a win.

And one can never discount Suzukis, newly commanded by Livio Suppo. If Rins can keep it on track, he’s faster than Mir, but Mir has a hot mom and world title to his name.

There’s so much to consider, which I rightfully considered when I watched Practice.

I note that the Yamaha has reduced top speed. I saw Jack smack his thigh and widen his eyes. I saw Vinales take out his wallet and ponder. And I don’t see Dovi at all, but I know he’s there.

I also heard rumors that Bagnaia rode the bike last year, but Davide Tardozzi was quick to dispel that.

“It’s ridiculous! ” he told Simon Crafar. “It’s just a 2022 model with different specifications. For future reference, note that of the eight Ducatis on the grid, five are 2022 models and three are 2021 models.

I saw the bottom of Brad Binder’s regulator drop off in FP1 and I thought KTM would talk to the mechanic responsible. The speaker was Fabiano Sterlacchini, the new technical director. And formerly Gigi Dall’Igna’s powerful right-hand man.

And I saw that Jack was messing with Remy. Jack feels Remy stand in his way on a hot heart and normal things follow. But at least he didn’t grab you by the chin like Mir did last year.

The grid, as it forms, is fascinating. Jorge Martin was on the pole, The Beast was beside him, and Marc Marquez finished the first row. Miller was in fourth place, followed by the two Espargaro brothers – both of whom showed some intent in qualifying.

Four of the rookies, Di Giannantonio, Raul, Remy and Darryn fill out the back of the grid, with Dovizioso, possibly the oldest rookie of all time, right in front of them. The ultimate rookie, Bezzecchi has found himself in the middle.

The run to the first corner almost saw runner Martin take down The Beast as opening-round nerves hit him, but Marc Marquez and Pol Espargaro took the first, next lap. was Brad Binder, who took third place from seventh on The Grid. Beast is fifth, Mir is fourth, and the battle begins.

Fabulous finished seventh after overtaking Martin and was looking to meet Aleix and his Aprilia, which would have been interesting, but then Pol had passed Marc and was leading the race, and I sat up a bit. .

They all gathered at the front and the first few rounds were Pol, Marc, Brad, Mir and The Beast. Bagnaia’s opening attempt was pretty bad. He’s back at 14 and Fabulous doesn’t look like he’s going to be special.

And Rins is behind the reigning world champion, while the beastly The Beast and Mir’s fourth look like they’ll be annihilated.

Things calmed down a bit. Marc seems pleased with Pol, as Binder obscures him and drags Mir, who is being pursued by The Beast. Rins, in eighth, was the fastest on the track.

Miller? Well, he’s 14 years old now and is falling behind. He only lasted a few more laps before plunging into the pit and declaring, “F**ken Electronics!”

What is very remarkable is the speed advantage of Ducati when down the road. It was no longer there. When The Beast tried to get past Mir, it didn’t happen to him. Suzuki has clearly done some work during the season.

Brad passed Marc and is currently second, and The Beast just edged Mir through the corners to take fourth place. He is pressing Marquez very hard. And in the next round, straight down the main road, he rushes in.

Pol took advantage of the battles behind him to take the lead by almost a second, and he must have been amusing himself. Final! A Honda that he could drive without becoming a gravel plow.

Slowly, the top four, Pol, Brad, The Beast and Marc, began to open a small gap. This is the story of when Alex Marquez fell somewhere in the middle of the pack, because Puig always had to have someone hurt him after a race. It’s in the rules.

Oliveira next visits the pebble on Turn One, while Mir and Rins argue over sixth place. Just when that was starting to look interesting, Bagnaia took out Jorge Martin. Martin was walking around him outside and Bag had lost the front end. Then he pats Martin a little on the pebble, and they become friends again as they both limp back into the pit.

It was definitely a bad night for the Ducati factory team. But Pol is having a blind spot. He got to know Binder well for more than a second and it looks like he won’t catch him with nine laps remaining.

The Beast went for it. He had to get past Binder if he was going to capture Pol and hear the Spaniard’s heart break. And that’s exactly what he did. It is great to see. Round after corner, Enea Bastianini hunted Pol – like a camel hunter in the desert. One tenth here, one tenth there, and then five laps before the end, The Beast lunged at his camel.

Pol runs wide, which also allows Brad Binder to glide. Aleix also overtook Marquez in fourth place, so the brothers may have been fighting for the final step of the podium. But no matter how well Aprilia built that bike, Aleix couldn’t pedal it fast enough to win. Or even pass his brother on the Honda.

Puig will have two Honda riders on his Carpet of Punishment after the race.

The Beast took a one-and-a-half second lead, and Team Gresini, now managed by Fausto’s widow, Nadia Padovani, washed down the pit with happy tears as Enea crossed the line.

It was really touching to see it. Such real and quite unexpected joy is amazing. The Beast itself was also tearful. His win was amazing. Clean and resilient. It’s like killing a charging camel under a full moon with a 100 meter spear throw.

Zarco managed to knock out his countryman in the straight, seven milliseconds for eighth place.

Marquez finished fifth. Do of what you will do. Marc is saying it has something to do with the choice of tires.

Raul Fernandez, slowest rookie, fastest Remy. Maverick is 23 seconds off the top of the table, so it’s likely he’ll start bombing his Aprilia again in the next race. He’s in form there.

So the desert was finished and covered with dust. Next is Indonesia. And that would be special, for very obvious reasons.

MotoGP Qatar race results

MotoGP Championship Standings