Let’s get really diplomatic about something quick: Life is weird. Some days are great. Some days feel impossible, and those days can easily fade for weeks, sometimes months. When that happens, we need our community to be there for us to hold hands and take us back to the days when we could be surprised. And when situations like this happen to our friends, we need to be the ones to reach out.
Over the years, me and my friends have traversed some rough terrain. Without each other’s generosity and support, those rough patches would be extremely difficult to overcome. While my heart hurts when the hearts of my friends hurt, I find a lot of joy in figuring out how to make them feel loved; to show them that, while I don’t have to go through the same things as them, I will get through it with them, hand in hand.
You may feel uncomfortable when someone you love is hurt. We thought there was nothing we could do; We feel powerless to change the situation. It’s true, we may not be able to change what they’re going through, but there are many things we can do to influence the happiness of our friends. when they need it most.
Here are some things I’ve done for friends going through a tough time:
A pleasant shopping cart
In my little circle of friends, we’ve done a few of these — and I’ve received a few myself. My best friend for twenty-three years is the queen of this game, and I learned this skill from her. Most of the time, she’ll include a blanket so warm, so delectable that you’ll want nothing more than to wrap it around you in a tight cocoon. It was an instant comfort.
Other factors that you might consider when dragging a satisfying shopping cart, besides comfort, are taste (something like chocolate or a bottle of carbonated water or other delicious drink); pampering (disposable face masks, some hand cream, and lip balm are all affordable ways to keep your friend cool); and entertainment (a book or games).
These don’t need to cost a fortune and don’t need to be packaged either. Just a few items pulled together and cutely placed in a basket – the vessel containing the incoming items is often as enjoyable as the merchandise to me – will brighten up your friends’ day. I know that.
Put a card in the mail
Even if they live five minutes away from you, mail has a particularly important aspect to it than text or email. I keep an extensive stationery collection in the house for this reason. A handwritten love letter to a friend telling them you’re thinking about them, you’re there, you’re listening — embarrassingly simple. I say shamelessly because it may seem like a dying act, but it’s so simple! And very rewarding for all parties. I will usually fail one of these these cute little cards that my friend can open. It adds an element of fun beyond surprise; surprise and delight, if you will.
A collection of poems
Small, readable books of poetry in the Rupi Kaur style are a great gift when a friend is going through a difficult time. Most recently, I sent a friend a book by Jennae Cecilia, their words boil with positivity, love, and support. Or yes Yung Pueblo, who talks about the human condition in such a way that people can see themselves in it. And when times are tough, the feeling of being seen is a welcome feeling.
Unexpected coffee delivery
When the pandemic first separated my loved ones from me, my husband and I were thrilled to leave our coffee at friends’ homes. The joy on their surprised faces! It’s a simple gesture but it’s something they won’t forget easily. I speak from experience because my friends surprised me with coffee, and it was one of the best gifts ever. If your loved one lives far away, this won’t work. A gift card isn’t like that, although a little encouragement to get out of the house and reward yourself with a cup of coffee can go a long way.
Encourage their hobby
The pandemic has given me many opportunities to hone my extreme mental lifting skills. Last summer, there was a moment when the weight of the pandemic hit my husband with a boil. Work is hectic and frankly it sucks his soul out of him (he’s changed jobs). He loves to cook but for whatever reason, he hasn’t spent much time in the kitchen lately. As a picky eater, my kids and I gave him a cookbook from a local chef in Minnesota. I wrote him a card, telling him that I realized the weight he was carrying. I encourage him to go back to the kitchen, doing something he loves.
He worked hard through that cookbook, learning all about the local foods and how to prepare them. For his birthday a few months later, his parents and I gave him a cooking class with the cookbook author. Every Tuesday night for ten weeks, he takes an online class, takes notes, and tries new ways to prepare simple dishes. In a way, the cookbook gave him back to us. More than the book, more than the food he learned to cook, I think it was the act of buying the cookbook, the handwritten card encouraging him to return to the kitchen, the love we put into it. .
If the person you love isn’t a big cook, you can push them to any of their preferences. Knitting, pottery, running – whatever they enjoy doing, quietly encourage them to pick it up. At first they may resist. In fact, I think resistance is quite possible. But if you can gently push them just enough, it will really benefit them.
Life is a collection of moments and interactions, some beautiful, some brilliant. It’s short, it’s weird, and it’s unpredictable, but one thing we know about it is that we’re meant to live together.
A night out (or stay) together
Of all the ideas for helping a friend, this is my favorite — and possibly the most important. Make a night on your friend. Design a night where your friends can come like themselves and talk about how they’re feeling, or Not Talk about what they’re feeling, but just be who they are, expect nothing. My suggestion is to pick a synergistic night with your friend so that it fits into their schedule and they’re not surprised by it (you have to have the right mindset for a night out on your own). Then you take over the rest. Pick a place, maybe a house, invite a few of their close friends and design a night out to show them that they matter; that you care about them; that they deserve a night entirely made for them.
Going out to a restaurant or a gig, or even someone’s home, may not always be the best option. If that’s the case, a night together over Zoom would be the end of a second. Think of showers or birthday celebrations you may have attended over the past few years. It could be – an event just for the person, not because she’s giving birth or turning forty. In my experience, supporting your loved ones is the best way to help them through a difficult time.
At the risk of sounding cliché, each of these ideas is more thought-oriented than anything else. While a basket full of thoughtfully arranged goods is great, a heartfelt handwritten card can be of great help to a friend going through something difficult. It’s simply about your presence and your willingness to do something do not have Ask them what you can do for them. This part is very important: When you ask your friend what they need or tell them how you can help, you put the responsibility surname. They don’t need that; All they need is a little extra love and a few small gestures to remind them how important they are to you.
It should be said that if the difficult moment your loved one is going through is deep, dark and very troubling, they may need some professional help, which I cannot say. Therapy is a great option (I’ve been running biweekly for quite some time). I will also quit the Suicide Prevention Hotline website thiswith the phone number 1-800-273-8255.
Life is a collection of moments and interactions, some beautiful, some brilliant. It’s short, it’s weird, and it’s unpredictable, but one thing we know about it is that we’re meant to live together. And that means we have to step in when we see someone we love trudging along a difficult path.
Indeed, the opportunity is in us.
Kolina Cicero is infatuated with stories – read them, write them, get lost in them. Other things she loves include yoga, traveling, and taking cooking, Italian, and writing classes. Her first children’s book, Rosie and the hobby farmpublished in July 2020.
