The experience I had while learning about gender identity as a child was not an uncommon one. Stereotypes like boys playing with action figures and girls playing with dolls, or strong boys and weak girls are common sentiments on the playground. Although I grew up as a girl with messy hair, I was often encouraged by my father not to think of gender as a boundary and to do things that weren’t always considered “feminine”. For example, taking out the trash and mowing the lawn are part of chore list—Perhaps this is because I don’t have a brother to live with.
Since I never really experienced normative pressure growing up, it wasn’t until I was much older and understood the concept of gender more clearly that I started to recognize the harmful patterns of stereotypes and stereotypes. limited nature of binary. When I was school-age, our health classes didn’t delve into the nuances of gender identity, and the Internet was a much smaller place back then.
In my opinion, ongoing conversations around gender identity and expression are important to the health and well-being of our children.
My parents’ generation were more conservative about discussing difficult topics openly, and no fault of their own — that’s just the way things are! Now that we live in the information age, it is becoming more and more important to talk to our children about topics like sex. race, puberty, drugs and gender identity. If we as parents decide not to talk to our kids about these things, they will eventually discover the answers on their own and may feel like they can’t reach us for support. , or even worse, they may think these topics are taboo or shameful and start internalizing it.
When it comes to gender, children begin to learn patterns before they can speak in complete sentences, so the sooner we can discuss it, the better chance they have of succeeding. But where do you even start? Well, based on my own research and experience as a mother of two, I’ve put together a guide to help you talk to your kids about sex at any age. And remember, while it’s a great idea to start talking about gender and identity, the best time is any time, so give yourself some grace if they’re a little older and you haven’t talked to them about these things yet.
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Children 0-3 years old
At this tender age, babies are learning a lot about themselves and the world around them. They are learning and developing social and emotional skills, rapidly building language and vocabulary, and starting to sort things and people into boxes. In fact, Children begin to put themselves in a gender at the age of 3, though a more authentic and authentic sense of self will come to light as they continue to learn and grow.
Children this age tend to socialize and explore with play, so toys are an opportunity to introduce them to the concept of gender, even implicitly. Consider giving them a range of toys for all genders and note the vocabulary you use to describe them or encourage them to play one toy with another.
Kids Age 4-6
At this age, children are especially curious about the world around them and ask a lot of questions. They are also observing the people they see in public and trying to understand them. This is a great age to teach them about gender expressions that exist outside of binary and get them in the habit of not assuming someone else’s gender by using neuter pronouns when describing them.
You can read to your child a lot of books during these years. This is an opportunity to introduce some gender-specific works such as Introducing Teddy, a beautifully illustrated book about sex and friendship. It feels good to be yourself is a picture book that introduces the concept of gender in a positive and sensitive way.
Kids 6-12 years old
At this age, children begin to use a variety of media that expose them to outdated notions of gender, and they may encounter conflicting messages from their peers. They may even begin to experience sexism for themselves with extracurricular activities available to them. When choosing a school for your child, consider whether their sports teams encourage all genders to participate.
They may also tend to be more in this age group, especially when it comes to puberty, to identify themselves as a specific gender and may want to show it outwardly with their clothes or hairstyle. Consider giving them the freedom to choose the clothes they feel most comfortable with and the hairstyle that they feel suits them best. While the market for gender-neutral clothing is expanding, many stores are still differentiated by girls and boys, this might finally be your chance to explain why and what it is. how is changing.
Teenager Age 13-18
This really goes without saying, but teens can be especially hard to connect with. They are dealing with raging hormones, facing loads of pressure at school and finding their place in peer groups. Because this age group is so concerned with inclusion, bullying is a common problem.
So how do you get over a teenager? The best thing you can do as a parent is to continue the conversation about gender in a way that maintains boundaries. Ask questions out of curiosity or answer their statements about gender with questions that help understand their position. To make your children feel comfortable around you, remind them that you will always support and love them. You should approach problems with patience and care rather than reacting out of fear or shame.
For parents
To talk to your child about gender, you’ll want to succeed with the knowledge and understanding needed to answer questions and explain things with confidence. If you are a parent looking to start your own learning path, I recommend you do a little reading. Raising Them: Our Adventures in Gender-Based Parenting helps readers examine ingrained gender stereotypes we don’t even realize exist, and provides a pathway to raising binary-challenged children. An invaluable additional resource for me has been genderspectrum.org, what feature? above of different sources for parents.
Give your child the freedom to explore their gender identity
I recently spoke with Kate Smith about Mamas . Consciousness Movement on the subject, and she has some amazing insights that I also wanted to share. “There is a belief that children come here as empty kegs to be filled by our knowledge and wisdom,” says Smith. “I believe that children come with their own desires, interests, intelligence and life purpose. Our role is to keep them safe, love them and support them on their journey of self-discovery. ”
She continues: “An important aspect of children feeling safe as they are is having a secure attachment to loved ones. This means showing up to your full potential, when they need you. Provide comfort when they are troubled or down. Be consistent in your words and actions. And radiate the energy that all parts of them are welcome to you. ”
If you’ve talked to your child about gender and they’re curious to explore about gender, consider giving them the freedom to explore. If your child is experimenting with her own gender identity, you could explain that gender can be a sliding scale — one day you may feel more masculine and one day more feminine, one day you may not. specified in any cell — and all of this is fine. If they continue to feel attracted to a gender beyond the binary or begin to experience gender dysphoria as an adult, it may be time to seek out a mental health professional in their area. your gender identity specialist to help support them.
Talking to your teen about gender can be intimidating if you aren’t equipped with the tools and resources to answer all the questions they may have. However, one thing is for sure: don’t worry when your kids start testing their gender. Here’s the thing: you don’t have to be an expert on the subject. If they have a question you don’t have an answer to, they’ll understand if you need some time to explain it or learn more together. Children are both curious and patient when it comes to these things, and like anything, these conversations are not overnight, they are ongoing.
