So you met someone. Actually, you’ve known them for a while, but it’s time to take your relationship to the next level. To be fair, they’re too good to be true. You have the same taste in everything that matters. When they are happy, you are happy. Their name is… your name. You see them every time you look in the mirror or pass through a special reflective window and take a moment to look — and they look good.
Honestly, it’s not the worst idea to think about your connection to yourself from an attractive perspective. If you had a crush or wanted to get to know a potential friend better, how would you treat them? Sweet! You will give their compliments, indulge in their whims, and make your adoration known to many. You will also be there for them when they need you and (cross fingers) love them when they are not at their brightest.
Of all the relationships you will have in your life—romantic, platonic, familial, and all-existing-to-teach-you-that-a-lesson—your relationship with himself reigning supreme. You are the one who is there at all times, from start to finish, and in every moment big and small in between. That connection must be strong.
Here are some ways to build a stronger relationship with yourself. If they sound useful, use them. If they don’t, leave them. Remember: You know yourself best.
1. Pay attention
Is there anything better than a good friend take friend? Pay attention to what you love, like, dislike, or really, really dislike, and allow yourself to re-categorize as necessary. Treat your thoughts like text to analyze the whole and find out what you really mean.
2. Make yourself comfortable
Two important questions to ask:
“What do I need right now?”
“What do I want right now?”
When the two answers align, add a third:
“How can I get that?”
3. Bring your shadow to light
Give yourself time with thoughts you might not be able to put into words, and let yourself dwell on parts of yourself that you don’t always want to share. In addition to allowing you to better understand yourself, shading is an extremely useful healing tool. (I personally like Magnetismconcept reception; you can learn more here.)
4. Avoid labels
Research shows that labeling yourself – or allowing others to label you – can have negative effects, even if it’s as simple as calling yourself a picky eater. In reality, a 2014 study showed that high school students are less stressed and less likely to have health problems and perform less if they believe personality can be changed. You are allowed to develop; you will not know yourself any less.
5. Date yourself
Now it is fun. Rely on that overused romance metaphor and treat yourself right. A dinner alone with a good book is just as sweet; Order both the best (no sharing required) and eat the last dessert.
6. But also take advantage of downtime
Unpleasant alone time is almost as important as the adventure alone. Who are you when you are simply you? Turn off ambient noise. Allow yourself to sit still. Think.
7. Feel your emotions
Maybe there’s a word to describe how you’re feeling inside. (If not, Kacey Musgraves has a friend to protect.) Let yourself feel it all. Thrash and cry out tears if you need to. When I was young, I liked to look in the mirror while I was sobbing. Why? I’m not sure – but man, I know my crying face, and I like that I’m present to myself in some way. It’s great to reflect on why your feelings are, but what if you can’t? Let yourself feel them.
8. Intimate
Knowing yourself goes deeper (or more technically than on a surface level?) than understanding your emotions. Dance naked. Take a long look in the mirror and find your angle. Feel yourself every way.
9. Look beyond yourself
Sometimes, adding external support can strengthen internally. Do Artist’s path. Read self-help books (you are always allowed to leave out things that are not told to you). Talk to a therapist or talking to a friend can give you a new lens through which you can see yourself.
Remember
Your relationship with yourself will always be the strongest relationship you have. Together (and you are always together!), you will get through it all.
Sophie Vilensky (@sophiavilensky on Instagram and Twitter or if you met her in second grade) is a Real Housewives scholar and daughter of Naturopath. At this point, these things are very important to her.
